#Colonel kepler

[theartingace]

Enjoy a GIANT Wolf 359 sketchdump!

The gang's all here!

[slyandthefamilybook]

not a day goes by that I don't think about the fact that Kepler's favorite whiskey costs two thousand five hundred dollars

[dysfunctionalcreature]

idk if there's a general consensus about what kinda family and upbringing Kepler had, but in my opinion I think the funniest possibility is that his family is something straight out of Succession, rich and corporate and crazy, like they encouraged every single one of his worst traits and never once was worried about the shadyness of Goddard Futuristics

I know that's presumably not accurate to canon and it's probably not in line with fanon ideas about him, but I really think the idea of his family being just as weird and scary as he is is so damn funny

like imagine Maxwell and Jacobi always assuming that Kepler must be the weird shady blacksheep of his family, but then for some reason they crash his family's thanksgiving party and find out that oh no, they're all just as fucked up as he is, he's completely normal by his family's standards

[callrings]

kepler & young weren’t REQUIRED to fake-date for the mission but they chose to serve cunt

[the-eiffel-watchtower]

ok chat this might be a niche crossover but I just realized Jubal Early and Colonel Kepler are the same person

[michaelmylove]

KEPLER

[firefrostfaith]

"i want him in ways concerning to feminism!!" could NOT be me. get the strap pretty boy

[no-fucking-way-bro]

ahahaha kepler's screams in episode 47 are music to my ears. damn i hate the bastard.

[wolf359roleplay]

Seeking Roleplay Participants!

Do you love Wolf359? Do you love writing about it? Do you want to meet others in the same boat/spaceship as you? Then this is the place for you!

I'm looking to form a long-form, literate Discord roleplay for Wolf359. There's no set plot yet, but it is most likely to be postcanon. We will discuss once the group is formed.

Now, you might be wondering what a long-form, literate Discord roleplay even is. Let me break it down (cue funky beat)

Long-Form - The roleplay is expected to take place over a long period of time, with a consistent plot that carries over multiple scenes.

Literate - Roleplay posts are expected to have proper grammar and be of a reasonable length (minimum 100 words)

Discord - Discord is a messaging app that lets you create servers to talk to your friends!

Interested? Send me a PM with the following information:

- What character you're interested in playing

- A past sample of your writing (needn't be Wolf359 related)

And that's it! I'm looking forward to meeting you :3

[phoenix-is-tumbling]

Welcome to, Introducing My Mother to Wolf359!

Episode 50: The Hiccups Method

“Is this the one with the treadmill?”

“The infamous treadmill scene”

“She’s one of them”

“Freaky dial up!”

“Oh snippity snippity”

“You should do it”

“Sh! Shshshsh!”

“She’s not trying very hard”

“She’s gonna turn it up?”

“Is that Eiffel just trying to scare her constantly?”

“I keep forgetting he’s still there.”

“Oh!”

“Free float?”

“Someone should be out there with her!”

“Get high? Is he telling her to get high?”

“Do they want them to drive through the star? That’s my guess.”

“A-yeah”

“Aww”

“But they didn’t even kiss though! I thought there was gonna be more with all that drama!”

“Text Willow and tell them I just heard the fucking treadmill scene and am very disappointed now!”

Lines she laughed at

“I am not your E.T helpline”

“Do not try to get your freaky dial up on me.”

“Okay fine. It is a little awful”

“Do not try and shrink me.”

“Would you do it?” “Pfft no. Of course not.”

“Any ideas that don’t involve lethal harm of firearms?” “…I’ve got nothing.”

“Well… I’m never getting that minute back”

“Just keep breathing!”

“Sorry! Also, ow!”

“Well in that case, your heart rate is way too low.”

“We are not asking Kepler for ideas! …So… any ideas, Kepler?”

“Perks of being made in alien Taiwan…”

“See? Scared ya”

“But see?! You don’t mess with the hiccups method!”

“Not yet you don’t. But you will. You will.”

[box953]

if you dont fuck w jacobi and maxwell being best friends forever you dont fuck with me. Highlight of s3 relisten for me so far has been listening to them banter. It’s such a different banter from what you get from everyone else butting heads it’s so bouncy. It tells you they do this all the time but like. They’re friends about it. They hate each other but they also do nefarious shit together theyre bonded forever . Until the incident of course but i digress .

[theartingace]

and now the SI5 Gang, ft. a slightly freezer-burnt Eiffel cameo

when I tell you I have been doodling Wolf359 nonstop and listening to hardly anything else..

[cranescurses]

hapy pride month

[dysfunctionalcreature]

hey.....do yall ever think about how Jacobi and Kepler never really reconciled before Kepler's death.....do you ever think about the fact that Jacobi and the rest of the surviving crew presumably never found what Kepler did to help them.....do you ever think about the fact that in their minds he probably died/disappeared an enemy....do yall ever think about that?

[heycerulean]

pov: you meet mr. marcus cutter

[lemodoe]

i have started zero hours now 😁😁